Rocker and Sage

The Quintessential Optimist and the Quintessential Cynic - Working Together to Build a Better America.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Thou Shalt Laugh

This post would be downright hilarious if it weren't the best example I have seen recently of just why our country is in deep trouble. Read it and... well, laugh! Sometimes you just gotta do it!

This post is a DC airport ticket agent's version of "why" this country is on the "rocks".

1. New Hampshire congresswoman Carol Shea-Porter asked for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window... on an airplane!

2. Kansas Congressman Moore wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight , and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, "I am not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. I replied by saying, "I am not trying to make you look stupid either sir, but Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in South Africa."

3. Vermont Congressman Bernie Sanders called, furious about a Florida package that he had booked with us to Orlando. When I asked him what was wrong, he said that he was expecting a room with an ocean view. I tried to explain to him that's not possible as Orlando is in the center of the state. He responded, "don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state".

4. A Congressman's wife, Landra Reid called and asked, "is it possible to see England from Canada during our vacation?" I said,"no". She responded, "but they look so close on the map".

5. Illinois Congresswoman Jan Schakowsky called to ask how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 A.M., and arrived in Chicago at 8:33 A.M. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Chicago due to the change in time zones, but she couldn't grasp that concept. Finally I told her that she was flying in a very fast plane, and she bought that.

6. John Kerry called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all of the cost information he asked, "would it be cheaper to fly to California, and then take the train to Hawaii"?

7. Congressman Bobby Bright (D) from Alabama called to ask how he would know which plane to get on. I asked him what he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of the planes have numbers on them".

8. Senator Diane Feinstein (D) called and said,"I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola, Florida on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever, don't try to get smart with me!"

9. Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu called and had a question about the documents she would need to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. She responded, "no, I don't... I've been to China before, and never had to have one of those". I double checked, and sure enough her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, "I've been to China four times, and they have always accepted my American Express!"

10. New Jersey Congressman John Adler called to make reservations, " I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, NY." I was at a loss for words having never heard of it. finally I said, "Are you sure that is the name of it?" He said, "yes." After some searching, I came back with, "I'm sorry sir, I've looked up every airport code in the state, and can't find a "Rhino" anywhere". The man retorted hotly, "What the hell is the matter with you! everyone knows where it is, check your map again." So, I scoured the map again and finally offered "you don't mean Buffalo, do you?" His reply was, " whatever, I knew it was some big animal."

Can there be any further wonder as to why the government is in the shape that it's in?

The revolution must be televised-ASAP!